going in circles

Ive been going in circles. like what they always say, draw a circle instead of a heart when you say i love you because a circle never breaks but a heart does. cliche as it is, its almost what ive put in our relationship. its been 2 months now. today, officially. it still hurts like hell when i think back.

Wade through my bitter river of tears
Watch closely as it gradually disappears
Forgetting the feeling of being filled with joy
My heart has now become fearful and coy
As I walk through these different shades of pain
Vacant to this world as it begins to rain
Walking down memory lane I conceal my face
Wanting these memories gone without a trace
Disregarding these recollections that I can see
Before theses embittered memories consume me
Why are my feelings constantly taken away?
What was my delicate heart continually lead astray?
Watch as my petals begin to whither and die
Left with the emptiness of my hearts final cry

I lost my heart 2 months back (but no, it doesnt mean im heartless) it still feels raw even as it tries to find its way back to this body im stuck in. building it for 4 years with you, putting in so much for the us i saw in the future. i believed that we would be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart. i gave my best and prayed that it was enough. but sometimes giving my best still isnt enough, no?

I find myself in a whirlpool of emotions. these days when i reply and i see that you reply, i feel that tingle in my heart. but when you dont, i feel like im being played. maybe im just a familiar face in your past, too familiar to let me go just yet but ultimately it seems like you will.

Yes, i love you an awful lot baby. but you're unsure about us still; and sure as i am, i have to move on.